In eight years of being a romance editor, I have never done a post on writing sex scenes! An oversight I will be rectifying now.
So what makes a sex scene one of those ones that a reader will bookmark and come back to again and again? It can be a setting (an unusual, unexpected place or moment, e.g. carriage sex), an object being used in the scene (e.g. Haunting Adeline—iykyk), another person present (e.g. in a voyeuristic sense or a group sense), a position (let’s go tamer for this example: something like the man who never submits down on his knees), and of course, words that become iconic (if it has an acronym that BookTokkers can identify without any help, e.g. stfuattdllag).
But all these are really just gimmicks (which I’m not knocking—you gotta sell this book, and sex scenes can be great marketing), so let’s get into what’s really going to connect with the reader in these scenes in terms of craft.
Choose the right POV
For any scene, your POV character (if you’re do alternating POV) should be the one who is most vulnerable or has the most to lose in this moment, and this is especially important in a spicy scene. There’s a stronger emotional impact if you show your POV character leaning into that vulnerability or how the other character helps them let go by making them feel safe or uninhibited.
Be comfortable with what you’re writing
Choose your steam level. How descriptive are you going to go? Are you worried about your mom or your grandma reading it? Here’s one time I will say not to write with an audience in mind—just go straight from the id here and write what you think is sexy. If you’re feeling way too self-conscious writing about sex, scale back or even just fade to black—your words will probably come out stilted and readers know when you’re holding back.
Engage the senses AND the emotions
Sensory details are important here—what’s going on with sight, sound, taste, hearing, touch? Unexpected details can make a scene much more memorable—for example, the scratch of lace against skin and the reaction that feeling provokes in the partners. If you’re a writer who falls prey to white room syndrome (i.e. description isn’t your strength), this is a good opportunity to stretch a bit!
Start with the sensory to ground the reader in the scene, and then get into the feels. What kind of emotions are these physical details evoking? Sex can bring up big emotions—are they overwhelmed? Are they afraid of feelings and wanting to run? Are they feeling affirmed or at peace by the end? Play with the tension between the physical and emotional.
Match the tempo of the scene to the writing
Pace your scene based on the kind of sex the characters are having. If it’s a quickie, the pace should feel fast to match that intensity. (My favourite trick for this in editing is to take out commas where I can—commas are there to pause for a breath, but we ain’t got time for that!) If it’s slow and languorous, you can draw out the sensuousness of the moment in the pacing.
Should the sex scene move the story forward?
This is a debate: can you just write a sex scene for the sake of writing a sex scene, or does it have to move the story forward? Some claim the former is too gratuitous, but I come from fanfic where there is literally a sub-category for this: PWP (either Porn Without Plot or Plot? What Plot?). I think it’s easier to get away with this in fanfic, but as an editor, I lean toward the sex scene doing some kind of work for you—either moving the plot forward or showing character growth.
(By the way, I swear that any innuendo that you think you see here was purely unintentional.)
How do you write sex scenes? Are they fun for you to write or stressful?
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