A couple of months ago, I saw a Reel (that I wish I’d saved) that said something to the effect of “If you want a new life, you have to let go of your old life.” This is something I’ve been turning over in my head for a long time, but this Reel kinda crystallized things for me.
I think a lot (like, probably WAY too much) about the idea that if you stay stagnant, you die. So here is a kick in the pants for the new year when we’re all high on resolutions and goal-setting and ways to do better in this next turn around the sun.
Let me preface this by saying I am someone who desperately hates change. I'm quoting all over the place today, but David Foster Wallace said "Everything I've ever let go of has claw marks on it" (I've never read DFW, don't @ me), and I very much relate to that quote. I like routine and ritual. I like knowing what’s going to happen next so I can plan for it. I am a deeply risk-averse person.
So it’s very easy to stay in my nice little comfort zones—because it’s comfortable there. It’s safe. It’s easy. I know how everything goes. Why would I want to deviate from my nice little cocoon of safety?
And listen, there is something to be said about knowing how to do something really, really well and honing that. That’s a great aim to strive for. But you can do that for so long until it becomes redundant.
We’ve seen this before with romance writers who have been writing the same book over and over again for the past two years, five years, twenty years. Yeah, they’re really good at doing this one thing—but it’s a rut, and it gets boring for the reader, who’s eventually going to move on to something new and different when they want to break out of their own comfort zone. Presumably, it also gets quite mechanical for the writer as well, and the creative joy and spark isn’t wholly there anymore. (Also why you see lots of romance writers try a new genre and challenge themselves again with a whole new outlet.)
The only way to grow is by changing and innovating. So I will chuck myself out of that comfort zone and try something new that could mean amazing opportunity/success/connection/personal development/whatever. I did this with Reels—I was super reluctant to start doing them, but I knew it was the way the platform was going, and if I didn’t, I wasn’t going to get the kind of reach that I wanted to get for my business and I was going to get stuck. So I sucked it up and started posting them, even though I felt incredibly awkward and silly. (They’re still mortifying, even after a couple of years, honestly, but they have gotten easier.)
And sure, doing the new thing could lead failure too, I’m not denying that—but I’m very convinced that there’s always something new to learn in the failing that helps you iterate and improve for the next time. If you stay stuck in that comfort zone and refuse to change, that’s not going to get you anywhere either. Remember, if you’re stagnant, you die.
A comfort zone can be anything—it can be the kinds of stories you write, the sub-genre you write in, the POV you use, how you promote your work, how you see yourself as an author, how you structure your time, etc. Whatever it is for you, if there’s something that you want to do with your writing career this year (develop your craft more, earn X amount of money, start doing the damn TikToks, write at least 5 days a week, etc.), here’s what you’ve got to decide:
What do you actually want?
Get specific here. “Develop your craft” is too broad, so what do you want to do? Have you always wanted to write a dark romance even though you usually do sunny rom-coms? Do you want to take a course on deep POV? Or if your goal is to get on TikTok, what does that mean? Will you post X times a week every week? Decide what the actual goal is.
What are you willing to do to get it?
This part is the scary get-out-of-your-comfort-zone part. How will you fit this goal in on top of your usual life and writing schedule? Will you wake up at 5 a.m. to squeeze in the work? Will you put your face out on TikTok? Will you do the dances? (If you need permission to not do the dances, you have it. I said you don’t have to. (But they do do annoyingly well in terms of engagement, so would you try it and see what happens?))
How are you going to do it?
A plan is important here—a realistic one that you’re not going to be able to give up on easily. (We’ve all been there with resolutions, right?) Carve the time out to do the thing and do it consistently so that it becomes a habit. Have someone hold you accountable and check that you did it. Commit to trying multiple times. Look, I will give you permission to not do the dances, but I will not give you permission to do only one TikTok and then stop because you got 4 views and what’s even the point. You’re not going to nail it the first time, and why would you expect to? Very, very few people are good at something on the first try, and if they are, it’s either pure luck OR it’s because they've already put in a lot of practice in doing something closely related to that task that prepared them for it.
So get uncomfortable this year. It’s not going to be easy, but it’s not supposedto be easy—if it were, everyone would be doing it. Stay strong, stay resilient, and go out there and raise the bar for yourself and see what kind of results you get. I’m hoping for great things for you for this year!
I would love to hear what your big goals are! And if I can help you level up your romance writing through editing or coaching, let’s chat!